Today was just a walk in the park. At least in my happy place it was. Lets see, where do I start? My unemployment was messed up delaying my checks approximately four to six weeks. Apparently my old employer doesn’t want to give a clear definition of ‘they canned my ass because their company is doing shitty’. So I actually got through to the unemployment office and had to spend two hours on the phone with operator 25 for her to crack shitty jokes and for her to keep telling me their systems are running slow today. Finally, we have the issue resolved and I will receive back pay. Real freaking kind of you people! Now I see why they don’t give their names when you call. I would be tracking this lady down to tell her she is not funny and I could give two fucks about her day.
Secondly, I called in to refill my meds today only to find out my insurance has been cancelled. I had to ask them to check again. Sure enough, my old employer cancelled my medical insurance while I was actually still working with the company. The issue has not been resolved yet, but if I don’t get my crazy meds soon I will be in jail in no time. I guess since I have the short hair, I won’t have to be the bitch. I will at least get to be the man of my jail relationship. Oh the things I have to look forward to.
As I am venting my frustrations out to Jen on the phone at nine at night, my call waiting beeps. With the mood I am in I feel sorry for who ever it is. I check the caller id and it was a bill collector. Woo, I was about to have some fun.
“Hello.”
“This is Randy with such and such company, is Sarah available?”
“This is her. What can I do for you at nine at night Randy?”
“Well we talked a couple weeks ago about your outstanding medical bill and I was wondering what you were going to do about it?”
Here I go. “Well Randy, I must inform you that my calls are recorded in case I ever need to use them in the court of law and if this is not okay with you I suggest you hang up quickly.” I listened for a minute and I could still hear the bastard breathing. Damn!
“Okay?” He sounded nice and confused.
“Well, I sent the bills you are talking about to the doctor who created the bills and almost killed me. I have attempted to check back with him several times but his nurse assures me he had been on a nice little vaca. So I really don’t have any new info.”
“Well do you think he is going to pay?”
At this point I am trying to hold in my laughter. “All I can say he assured me I had a heart problem and we know where that went, so I your guess is as good as mine. But you are welcome to call him. Oh Randy, I need to change the tape for my recorded call. One minute please.” I set the phone down to light a cigarette and refill my empty coffee cup. “Okay, sorry about that.”
He really has no idea what to say. “I am not able to contact him about your case with us, but I would be happy to make some payment arrangements for you.”
I can’t hold back the laughter anymore. It takes me a moment to regain my composure. “I don’t have a job either!” I am roaring laughing at this time.
“You must be getting some kind of unemployment then?”
“Um no. They fucked that up too. But I see you guys are hiring. Should I email my resume?”
He doesn’t respond to my last question. “When do you think you will start collecting money from your unemployment?”
What a nosey little bastard! “Your guess is as good as mine. Good luck trying to get it though if you are planning some way to steal it from me. I can’t even get the shit, so let me know if you have better luck! Goodnight and good luck Randy.”
I hung up and had to wipe the tears from my eyes. Because I was laughing so hard. I hope he calls again. That was some good fun loving free entertainment.
No one is on line to entertain me and I am not happy! I am poor so I can’t go out and enjoy myself with everyone, so I sit at home and hope some one will be on line for me to talk to. I’m not really into the phone that much anymore. At least when you are on line no one can hear your dysfunctional family yelling in the back ground. Good thing I got rid of the web cam too or else I would have to fix myself I up. I find it soothing to sit here with no make up (meaning no eyebrows. I draw those bitches on), crazy pajamas, Lisa Simpson hair, and my glasses. Gotta love the new look I have achieved while rotting at home. I just don’t understand how I can apply for five jobs a day and get nothing. I could see if I was worthless and spending my time at home laying in bed, but I am actually making an attempt to find a job. Alright, I will admit it, I only spend half the day laying in bed. The other half is spent eating, smoking, going to the gas station for more cigarettes, applying for jobs, playing video games, and reading a book a day. As you can see, I lead a full life. Good thing I don’t have a boyfriend; I would have no time slot for him.
I just had to pull myself off of the aluminum foil cover couch to run back and add this part. Oh, the couch has aluminum foil all over it because we are trying to teach the cats not to go up there. So far so good by the way. I fell on the couch in a laughing fit. I had the greatest idea. I should count my quarters and go to the dollar store and buy some of those little answering machine tapes and mail them with a card to Randy. I would thank him for all his care and concern about my unemployment and tell him I have enclosed the recorded call so that he can hear my voice anytime he wants since I will no longer answer the phone when it says his company’s name. I don’t know about you, but I thought it would be hilarious for him to get some little tapes from the crazy girl. Don’t worry, they would be blank, I don’t really record my calls.
