A DAY AT THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE January 24, 2008

Maybe I should be doing something better with my day instead of sitting here writing this, but I have some hope to amuse some one with my sad, sorry life.
Lets see, at the moment I am unemployed, full of coffee, and I have so much energy I could probably build an entire strip mall full of over priced products. I had a lovely day though. I woke up and filed my unemployment claim only to get a an email back saying I had to go to an office because there was an issue. What kind of issue and why can’t it be fixed on the computer just like every other problem in the world? So since I am on “vacation” and have all the time in the world I must get dressed and go to the hell hole. I walk in and the nice lady at the front desk stares at me instead of asking if she could help me. I wanted to see just how long this silence would go on. I threw my folder of paperwork and my purse up on the counter and just stared back. This uncomfortable silence went on for a whopping five minutes and then she apparently found her scratchy, over smoked voice.
“Is there something I can help you with?”.
You know me and my smart-ass mouth. Note to self-probably another reason I was chosen for the lay off at my job. “No ma’am. I thought I would just stand here all day and gaze into your lovely eyes.” I love saying things like to women. They think because I have short hair I am automatically a lesbian.
She stares at me for a long moment and then busts out laughing. “I’m sorry, so did you need help?”
I explained the whole ordeal and she handed me a number and told me to have a seat and some one would call my number shortly. I took the little paper and sat down in the very small waiting room only to see they were on number fifty. I was number seventy-two. Could this day get any better? I attempted to patiently wait the forty five minutes it took to be called, but I blew around the twenty minute point. Apparently I wasn’t informed it was take your family to the unemployment office day. This woman seriously had like five kids with her. And I am not a fan of children. They are not for me at all. I was okay with the one kid repeatedly hitting me in the shin with his book but his brother took it to far when he sneezed in my face.
“Excuse me miss,” I said in my most polite voice.
“ Nnnooo ee-nn-gl-ish,” and she politely smiled like it would make it all alright.
I looked at the oldest girl. She looked like she could speak some English. I looked right at her, “Do you speak English? And is that your mom?”
“Yes I do and that is my mom.”
Here I go with my big mouth. “Can you please tell your mother to get her sick, screaming children off of me and ask them to quit hitting me?”. She actually looked confused as if she should say something or not. I was hoping she would tell her mother quickly before I went ape shit on the kid hitting me in the leg. I contemplated kicking him across the room, but I really didn’t have time to go to jail today.
She looked at her mother and said something in Spanish. The mother looked at me and said clear as day, “Bitch!”.
“Oh, so you can speak English?”. I got called some more names in another language other than English, but I won! She picked up her screaming pack and moved to another section of the office. One point for Sarah. Ow ow!
“Seventy two please!”.
“That’s me!”. For some reason I feel the need to yell back. I am socially challenged like that.
“What can I help you with today miss?”.
I whip out my folder and show her the email. I decided to print my entire unemployment paperwork that I have accumulated in the past week. “I received this email asking me to come in and the nice lady by the door said I would need to talk to you.”.
She snatched the paper work from my hand and started reading. Boy they make you feel good about yourself after losing your job! “You are in the wrong line honey. Go over there and apply for some jobs and they will leave you alone about coming in. You should start receiving checks next week. Have a nice day.”.
It took all I had to not cuss that lady out. I have a bit of a potty mouth and I almost said every thought that was in my mind right then and there. “No, thank you ma’am and have a wonderful day.”. I walked to the other side of the building and was put on a computer and told to fill out all the prompts. I asked why and the lady said the computer would give me a listing of jobs for the Gary area. Oh hell no I am not going to go and work in the murder capital of our sad little Indiana. I smile and tell her no problem.
Question one through fifty is all basic info and then it gets to the good stuff. They start asking about my job skills and how much English I speak. So I tell the truth. I speak very little English, mostly Ukranian and I have no transportation to and from work. Well, that worked out great, there were no job listings available for me. Did I mention that I can’t work a computer either? It’s amazing my My Space looks so great though. Touche!
I did however manage to score an interview Monday at a local hospital being an Administrative Assistant to a Director. Nice! That’s the kind of job I am looking for.